Advantages in Singleness (the Bible Really Teaches This)

This message is not given to persuade married people to forsake their end of the marriage covenant.  It is not even given to persuade people who are single to remain single.  This message is rather given to adjust perspectives according to the truth of God’s Word.

Singleness is not something which should be feared; and single status is not something which anyone should be in a rush to change.  The Bible teaches that marriage is honorable in all.  It also teaches about the excellence and advantages in relation to singleness.  To disregard either view is to reject the whole counsel of God and stir up the potential for serious problems to unnecessarily arise.  

Hebrews 13:4 says: “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”

The Bible also says in 1 Corinthians 7:1-2: “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.  Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.”

How few churches actually uphold each of these concepts!  Those who emphasize one seem likely to neglect the other.   Yet the Bible actually teaches that marriage is honorable in all; and it also teaches that it is good for a man not to touch a woman (the very same chapter will make it clear that it is good for a woman not to touch a man as well).

Why is this?

God’s verdict is indeed enough even if we can’t understand the reasons at all.  Yet there are at least a few Scriptural and common sense reasons which we can use our God-given intellect to understand and to receive instruction concerning.  

Later on in the same chapter, we are told in 1 Corinthians 7:27-35: “Art thou bound unto a wife?  seek not to be loosed.  Art thou loosed from a wife?  seek not a wife.  But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned.  Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.  But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none; And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not; And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away.  But I would have you without carefulness.  He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.  There is difference also between a wife and a virgin.  The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.  And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare (a trap) upon you, but for that which is comely (fitting), and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.”

It is one thing to warn others about the dangers of entering a marriage which seems reasonable to turn into a miserable marriage.  Yet the Bible even warns of dangers associated with generally happy marriages.  It is too easy for people to become wrapped up with making their spouse happy and wrapped up in the happiness related to the marriage itself.  Yet life is but a vapor.  We will all stand before God alone.  You don’t need to resort to psychoanalysis and trying to read minds to be able to tell that many are so wrapped in their romantic relationship that Judgment Day and their obligations towards God are not at the forefront of their minds.  Being single can be used as a great safeguard against a distorted view of reality which marriage, especially a happy marriage, can easily cause.  

Another disadvantage in having romantic love is seen in the Bible passage which was just read.  And that is the downright destructive tendency to want to impress your woman (or man).  You can see that sometimes really obviously with people in love.  It can be a terrible bondage.  Couples who are in love should be on their guard against this tendency.  It is great though to be single and not to even have to face the great temptation of constantly trying to impress your spouse and/or constantly looking for their approval.  Many who are in love are steeped in such bad habits.  That in itself is too great a price to have to pay for romantic love- in this life and especially in the next.  

Those taken up with pleasing their spouse also virtually inevitably fight with the worry that a day will come when they won’t have their spouse anymore.  It is a trap of romantic love that the better it gets, the easier it is to come to fear that it will end somehow.  What are the odds you’ll both die at the same time or even within the same year?  The odds of that are not good at all.  On the other hand, those who gain long-term experience being single can know how they’ll live without romantic love.  It is great to know you never absolutely need romantic love, especially if you learn this in the Lord and especially if you undoubtedly experience His all-sufficiency and come to know He is enough firsthand.  Then even if you do find someone, and you keep in memory the years alone and how you got through them, you don’t need to fear being alone again.  

I also believe that many even have an insecurity about being single that is largely caused by the security which they imagine married people to generally have.  Yet such a concept of security in marriage, when it is not an illusion in and of itself, would to a large extent only exist because people are psychologically bolstered through a sense of security from their marriage that is not based upon reality.  Such an illusion will someday be brought down, along with whatever confidence is derived from it.  Single people can have a false sense of security in many ways too of course.  Yet besides money, I don’t think that the Bible deals with any source of false confidence more than in the areas of romance and marriage.  Such things are at the very least a great danger that the Bible addresses directly in relation to the topic of false security.  Couples who are “lost in each other” are missing out on understanding and doing the necessary things to adequately prepare to meet God.

Another advantage of not having romantic love is not having a person to understand you.  You say, “What?!”  But hear me out.  You think you were treated unfairly, someone doesn’t respect you, problems are overwhelming you, etc.  If you’re in love and someone is in love with you, what will you do?  You will probably tell each other your problems.  And lovers will typically have slanted glasses and take each other’s side, even when that is not warranted.  Often this will be more than giving the other person the benefit of the doubt.  I’m not saying a listening ear and sympathy are never a gift from God and never a legitimate help in working through problems.  Recognize the bad tendency though.  Beware of the potential trap related to the bad tendency, and be thankful if singleness is helping you to not yield to this tendency.  Obviously, we can resort to other people in an ungodly way whom we are not involved with romantically.  But being single is a great advantage to not yielding to this snare.  Habitually yielding to the bad tendency to want another’s sympathy and understanding causes one to be ensnared in making an idol out of someone’s sympathetic ear.  A spouse is usually going to be right there, willing to listen, and will typically be the easiest person for most married people to idolatrously resort to (and many have an idolatrous view of their spouse as well that is proven when their spouse doesn’t always listen to every last thing they say and give them sympathy).   If you’re single and don’t have romantic love, you actually have a big advantage in avoiding this common spiritual snare (beware of this snare still related to any who are around you on a regular basis of course).  

Another great advantage in not having romantic love is more time in comparison to the time you would have with it.  Don’t underestimate what a great advantage this could be.  Yet make sure you’re taken up with spiritually healthy and potentially spiritually profitable endeavors- or the extra free time is likely to turn into a curse.  Idleness is truly a great tool of the devil to work with to destroy a person spiritually and often naturally too.

Again, I need to emphasize that these things are not said to shame married people nor to encourage anyone from breaking their marriage vows.  They are said to help single people understand the great advantages in singleness so they can capitalize on them and also not be in a rush to find romantic love.  These things are also not said to discourage single people from romantic love, except to let them know in a realistic way some good things they could lose if they attain it.  Those who are married, and those who might get married, should also know what to be on their guard against so that the marriage bond which God intended as a blessing doesn’t become otherwise to them.  

Our accountability to God implies that life is a test wherein He examines our choices in the light of His Word; and thereby also examines our gratitude for the opportunity which He has provided through Jesus Christ to be reconciled with Him and justified in His sight.  Whether you are rich or poor, whether you are strong or crippled, whatever your marriage state is, or whatever your lot is in anything else pertaining to this life, does not make you better or worse off in the biggest issue for you.  None of these things relieve you from the trial which you are under, and the court date which you have, with the Almighty God.  If you are happy, comfortable, and feel blessed- you still have this crisis to deal with.  And if you are overwhelmed with grief, uncomfortable for another reason, and/or feel anything but blessed for whatever reason- you yet have a bigger crisis to deal with.  And that is the very same crisis which the people that seem the opposite of you right now have.  There is truly no partiality with God nor any discharge from the ultimate trial which He has placed upon each and every man and woman.

When Jesus commanded in Matthew 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness” there is also a verdict there about what man’s greatest crisis is.  Nothing else could possibly be that important.  Be sure you obtain that- even if you should fail to attain other things you had hoped for and even if you lose things which you already have that you consider valuable.

It is only proper, logical, and wise to consider meeting God on Judgment Day constantly.  Doing this also helps one to bring their view of our circumstances in life into their proper perspective.  The following verse shows the terrible awakening which will happen on Judgment Day to those who refused to sober up over Judgment Day and eternity and turn to the Lord while they had the chance.  

Jeremiah 8:20: “The harvest is past, the summer is ended, and we are not saved.”

The God who created the vast Universe, and knows each one of the stars, is the God with whom we have to do.  

Psalm 33:8-9: “Let all the earth fear the Lord: let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him.  For he spoke, and it was done; he commanded, and it stood fast.”

Hebrews 10:31: “It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”

In consideration of Judgment Day and eternity, all the different circumstances of this life, including romantic relationships or lack thereof, are so short and insignificant that, no matter how wonderful or horrible they may be, they are still not significant enough to let them distract us from adequately preparing for Judgment Day and eternity; from seeking the kingdom of God above all else.  All will surely realize on Judgment Day what indeed ought to have been their undisputed top priority in this life. 

There will be no second chance, no do-over when we die or when Christ comes back.  Now we actually do have the chance to prepare to meet God- to turn away from our sins and to walk in the truth of God’s Word with our whole hearts.  Multitudes will wish on Judgment Day that they had a chance to go back and live life over in order to do so, but won’t be able to.  The brightness of God’s patience and offer of mercy through Jesus Christ now lighten the world as a rainbow (which is a hijacked symbol the way).  Yet this will also fade away as all rainbows do, never to return for those who did not, in the window of this one earthly life, adequately discern, enter into, and continue in the narrow way to eternal life prepared by Jesus Christ. 

Mountains and islands will flee from before the face of the living God who created and sustains this vast Universe by His omnipotence- and yet we cannot be discharged from standing before Him on our court date with Him.  What crisis could possibly supersede this one?  And if not having romantic love makes you better aware of the crisis we are in, and the related misery in this fallen world which testifies of our need for a solution in relation to this crisis, then use that to help press yourself to diligently seek Jesus Christ the Ultimate Lord and only Savior.  

Deuteronomy 13:4: “Ye shall walk after the Lord your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him.”

Aaron’s email is: [email protected]